For one more day

My younger brother has the worse temper ever! I dunno where does he inherits this from?(From my paternal grandpa, I heard?) I presume that he will die due to hypertension, stroke or so sooner than most. I am not cursing him but my parents have been saying the same.

My paternal grandpa died before I am born and they said he died because of one of those mentioned diseases. I would have slapped him to my own brother's death if not for the fact he is much stronger than I am now and I know a shouting competition won't remedize.(and it's not what my mother wants) I am not cursing but if my mum or dad suffer from anything because of him, I would kill him.
'Kill' being a figure of speech but I wont do anything not any closer than that.

For those that do not understand, I am very defensive towards my parents. I do not exactly share a close relationship with them and we come nowhere close to how you define 'Close family'.
But I see this as a karma cycle. In one life, you would somehow feel indebted to someone else. Like you feel a need to protect and defend your grandparents, your cousin, your aunt, your girlfriend or even a dog or turtle.You can't explain why's so and you feel stupid when you can't do anything to relieve their sufferings. But all you can do...all you can do is to be there when they need you. That's all.

Before my dad decided to fly back to Hainan Island, he was very cooped up at home. Lonely and all.(And my damn brother was still rude and that's unforgivable to me.)You can imagine the stress of being at home alone,right? After he became a hawker, he is one all his life. At an age now,with worst luck, he is unemployed. All he could do is to stay home and make this home a decent,clean one and make sure we have good food. You didn't know how helpless I was inside when he poured to me and I didn't do anything to relief it. You didn't know how guilty I was each time I told him not to cook my dinner and when I said goodbye before I left for work.

I am damn defensive toward him. And even though I tried to balance my love for both my parent but I read that you either be a mummy's girl or a daddy's girl, can't be both.
And sorry if any of my friends (Esp Von whose gonna read this anyhow) who were there with me on Friday the 13th, I am a lil' upset when they ignited the idea of why my dad wanted to go Hainan Island. I am not angry of cos' and understand they are talking 'generally males'.

He to my mum, could be 'generally male' but he to me, is my daddy. Someone irreplaceable. Period. If going to Hainan Island could give him 3 weeks of stress-free and some happiness, I would give anything.

Neither do I expect that seeing my dad leaving would make me upset.They (My parents) went aboard before but I guess I hid that loneliness inside. Twas the night before Saturday, the initial plan was to join Jason and his family in his relatives' birthday celebration. But my dad's flight was around the same time and I can't be at both places. That birthday celebration seemed so unimportant suddenly. I guess I was upset when Jason couldn't suggest a better plan of 'what if we attend to our own separate plan'.

I woke up late only to see my dad for the last 10 minutes before he said," Alright children, no fighting." & left.
I did what he does -the housechores.
I left the house for Clarke Quay. I took some photos there even I was there with yesterday with Vonx & Irene. For sometime, I feel good. I feel independent,free and good. I even managed to buy Mitch Albom 'For one more day' at $12plus @ Liang Court's Kino. (I wanna to cry when I pay..What good price!)
That was my first time to Liang Court's Kino and it is so different from the one at Taka. That one was too 'ang moh' based and this one, totally original.
But after that trip, I am beginning to feel tired. And my mood started to flip the other way round.

I almost refused to see Jason if not for his persistence.
I told him I was in a foul mood and if he sees me, it would ruined his day too. Because of me being foul would makes him feel worse, AND THAT makes me feel worst!But he persisted.
I told him I would just meet up for a dinner and home I go. But I must have realised too that after seeing him, I may not wanna go home...that soon.

I couldn't explain why. I didn't speak much when we were waiting for my ramen. Suddenly he just reached out to touch my face and gently squeezed it...As if he was squezzing my tear ducts, I started to tear uncontrollably.I can't explain why did I cry but I am never a cry baby infront of others.But I know one of the reasons must be I am sad that dad flew away afterall. I am happy for him but sad inside, for myself.

I didn't know how to end this entry.I very much wanted to blog about that Friday of 13th.2 took leave and 2 accompanied. Walking back to NYP is so reminiscing. I wish we can go back, for one more day.

For One More Day is just another good book by Mitch Albom. You know you read some stories and they are so fictionous but you find it hard to agree that his is one of those.
For One More Day tells a story about an ex baseball player whose life crumpled right after he lost his career in the field and further down the road when he lost his mother through a decision he made all his life - taking his mother's love for granted.
So he seeked death and entitled one more day with his dead mother. First he was afraid, then he was afraid that the day ends. The day ends anyhow but he got peace with himself even though he died young.
I am not a good story teller and you may not believe this story. But again what is there not to believe in this world? You believed in religion, you believed in commercials, you believed in lies...What is there not to believe?

Some pictures I took yesterday when I was alone.




I like the last 2 pictures the most.



I called it as "There's always something sweet at the end of the road."



Too long?